Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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