She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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