my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
