but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
