just come out here and I will go home with you...
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Randomize
