guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Enjoy the penises
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
