whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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