I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
