it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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