did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
