Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
