Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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