you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
