You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
