What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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