people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
