he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
