we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
