So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
