i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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