What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
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