Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
