guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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