She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
