It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
