It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
