so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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