It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
