i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
