She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
