Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
