I can tuck mytits in my pants
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
