if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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