You're so nebulous sometimes
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Randomize
