he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
