the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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