This dress was meant to end up on your floor
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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