went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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