I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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