my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
There's always time for handjobs
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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