everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
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