At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
