last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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