You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
