Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
