You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
