I think I won the penis lottery.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
