Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
