thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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