I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
