I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
my sisters under your porch take her home
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
