Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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