Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
