Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
