Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
