How'd it feel making her break her religion?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I AM VODKA MAN
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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