I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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