MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
