I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
