Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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