we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
