Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Randomize
